Saturday Morning Fun Pit/Transcript
Sergeant : Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Nixon : Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the purple heart. Sergeant : But I wasn't injured. shoots a gun at him, then opens a trap door Ow! Screams Nixon : Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons. Grunts Announcer: It's time to fall into The Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! Lead Singer : ♪ Bendee, Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? ♪ You're such a lousy mascot. ♪ No one understands a single word you say. ♪ Not even the jerk in the ascot. Bendee Boo : Rite my riny retal rass! hoots hooting to the Mystery Express vehicle Leela : It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the repeating forest. Fry : Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? track plays Fry : Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. Leela : It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. Fry : I'll say. track plays music plays Dragon Ghost : Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Bendee Boo : Rikes! Fry : Splinkies! What was that? Leela : I don't know. Hermes : It's a mystery. Fry : Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? track plays Fry : Yeah. Leela : Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that Kabuki Theater? Fry : Like, where there's a Kabuki Theater, there's a concession stand. track plays to inside Kabuki Theatre Hermes : Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Fry : Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. Chuckles track plays scream Screaming Laughing try to run but don't get anywhere. This is because this is always what happens on Scooby Doo although George claims it's because his floor has butter on it George Takei : I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. All except Bendee Boo : George Takei? Bendee Boo : Reorge rakei? George Takei : Sorry to haunt you so effectively. I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town. Fry : Like, what's the story with the Yakitori? George Takei : Help yourselves. But I warn you, that chicken is over a year old. track plays Amy : Why is the food in your concession stand so old, Mr. Takei? George Takei : You see, Amy, this used to be the most popular Kabuki Theater in the entire outskirts of town. But people stopped coming after they built that darned basketball arena. shot of the arena. Spooky music plays George Takei : Now everybody likes basketball instead of Kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. Amy : How so? This is America, not Japan. George Takei : Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Fry : Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. Chuckles George Takei : Another grave insult to my ancestry. track plays rings Leela : Nu? Is this the Professor's cloning lab? Zoidberg : Cloning is a sin against nature! But yes. Follow me to the Professor's cloning room. beeps, trills You see, I'm his Butler. Ah, my Uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. Screams Now then, let me show you my lab. This is my cloning machine. This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. - All: The Globetrotters? - Bender: Ruh robe-rotters? What you doing wearing an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. track plays Whoa, whoa, whoa Sputtering track plays What are you Globetrotters doing here? We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the Professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. track plays Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my Agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. Beep Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds. Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again. But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less. Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands. crashes Snoring Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. Screams It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before. Like, yikes! sound track plays It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay Rabbit goes around the tree There. All right, it's time to get to the bottom of what, at this point, can only be called a mystery. Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon trap the Professor built. Hermes: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon. Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. - I'm not going. - Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Ro-kay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. track plays ♪ Yummy yummy yummy, I got love in my tummy. ♪ And I feel like a-loving you. ♪ Love, you're such a sweet thing. Good enough to eat thing. ♪ And that's just a-what I'm gonna do. ♪ Ooh, love to hold you. ♪ Ooh, love to kiss you. ♪ Ooh, love, I love it so. ♪ Ooh, love, I love it so. ♪ Ooh, love, you're sweeter. ♪ Sweeter than sugar. ♪ Ooh, love, I won't let you go track plays All right, gang. I think we have all the clues we need to solve the mystery of the haunted cloning machine. Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The Butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called Butler really is. Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. track plays Whoa, whoa, whoa sputtering May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. All: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my Kabuki Theater. But Kabuki Theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his Kabuki Theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. track plays cheering Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. Announcer: And now, introducing the opponents Six Larry Birds! cheers Laughing Bendee-Bendee-Boo! clamoring What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons. Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. Grunting All right, let's laugh and learn. Announcer: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time Chuckling: All while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. Announcer: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond ♪ Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old. ♪ When healthy juicy Purpleberries fill your bowl. ♪ We all get along and we're happy and merry. I must get my hands on those healthy Purpleberries. Bort. ♪ Of eating right we are very fond. ♪ When we eat together on Purpleberry Pond music plays, birds chirp Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning? It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect. It's funny how we never get tired of the word purple. Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but Purpleberries. I must get my hands on those healthy Purpleberries. Bort. Announcer: Purpleberry Pond will return. After these messages Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted Purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond. Ah! Announcer: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part. Of your complete breakfast, along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show. ♪ Healthy, healthy, healthy, healthy. ♪ Purpleberries are. ♪ Eat Purpleberries and you'll be a star. Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. neighs Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. gasp Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. smashes You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar head. ♪ Look up high where the rainbow bends. ♪ Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy Purpleberries. Bort. Professor: And Orangeberries. Announcer: We'll be back after these messages Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have Loquat-flavored Orangeberries. Two colors? Wow. Burping: Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Yells laughing milk Laughing Bort? I have a plan to get my hands on those Purpleberries with new Loquat-flavored Orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast. Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the Purpleberry crop. Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. All: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more Original or type two. Announcer: And now, back to our show Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy Purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy Purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange Or new Polkaberry. horn Good nutrition is just a bowl away. ♪ You know you want to try it. ♪ So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. All: Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. Announcer: We'll be back with more commercials. After these important messages. Aah! Go, me! ♪ They fight for the heck of it. ♪ Because they like to, here comes G. I. Zapp. G. I. Zapp, G. I. Zapp! Announcer: G. I. Zapp is the code name. For an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy. Regardless of the cost in innocent lives. Ah, here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. clamoring outside Grunting What's that a rock? I hate rocks. clamoring What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G. I. Zapp cartoon? Man: It's too violent! Ooh, very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. I'll have to reedit the program. Rosemary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. ♪ G. I. Zapp. G. I. Zapp, G. I. Zapp! Announcer: G. I Zapp is the code name for an elite group of Nixon: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. Announcer: Today's episode:. Operation throat Nixon: Banana split What the hell kind of plane is that? click Okay, G. I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as acronym. buzzing Kif: Acronym. A criminal regiment of nasty young men. Nixon: Oh, that's clever I'll leave that the way it is. Laughs I'll show those G. I Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air Nixon: Warning shot Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to h Nixon: Church rumbles whirring Sound off as you jump. Freezer burn! Nutcracker! Nixon: That's no name for a woman let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! Nixon: Helpful Johnny Boxcutter! Nixon: Powder puff Orphan crippler! Nixon: Nah pass roars Incoming surface-to-air mi Nixon: Telegram!. Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, Sir. Good, because I forgot mine. Kif: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife Nixon: I'll be home for dinner I, uh landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell. Ready Aim Nixon: Negotiate Grunts Nixon: Uh, here comes a water balloon groaning That's quite a splash. Screams Uh beam me up, Scotty. Grunts Screams Yay! I caught it. Yelps I'm hit. Oh, God, it h Nixon: Tickles Oh, no. Freezer burn is Nixon: Sleeping I will avenge him, you heartless Nixon: Bastards!. It's okay if I say it. grunts groaning Nixon: Just measuring you. For a new hat Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. whirring revving Screams gunfire That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. loudly Static Give me the ball! No, give me. The ball. I know, let's fight for it. and yelling Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. loudly There how do you like your stupid ball now? Laughing Crying That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. Grunts Category:Season 7 Scripts Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts